What do you remember your parents telling you as a child when you were playing a game with someone or when you were waiting in line for sweets to be distributed?
It’s interesting how we’ve heard throughout life that we shouldn’t push to the front when something is being given away, while on the other hand we should be the best at everything we do. If we weren’t the best, then we would be compared to others and so on and so forth.
Today the situation seems to have changed. I often come across parents who to live their unrequited or unfulfilled dreams through their children. On the other hand, many parents try to solve a problem or challenge for the child, just so that the child doesn’t have to go through the trouble or the activity is done as soon as possible. We know that the work lives of parents are becoming more and more demanding, so sometimes they don’t have patience for some activities. It is important that we do not judge someone, but try to understand why this is so and how we can help.
To what extent should you guide your child in activities, that is, where is the line between the development of independence and parental intervention? When we see a child trying to draw a character on paper by themselves, but notice that that character doesn’t have the correct shape, we don’t need to tell the child to stop and draw it for them. We can draw together with the child, using a separate piece of paper. If the child asks us to show them how to make a shape, we can definitely get involved. Likewise, if the child tries to open a bottle by themselves but is struggling or turning the cap in the wrong direction, we can steer the child without taking the bottle from them and solving the problem for them.
We can ask the child: “What would happen if you tried turning the cap the other way?” If the child fails even then, we can ask the child if he wants to help him and encourage the child by saying that practice will make them better and better. In conclusion, the emphasis is on the process, not the result.
Another interesting situation is when parents go to extremes in putting the pressure on their children to succeed in an activity, as is often the case in sports. They yell at the child, scold them when they don’t play a game well or don’t train properly. The question is, who in that situation wants to succeed more, the parent or the child?
How to achieve a healthy balance between cooperativeness and competitiveness?
– lower your own expectations and listen to children’s needs more
– turn to ourselves and realize whether we need personal development to satisfy our inner child
– separate your ambitions from the child’s ambitions
– understand that our desires are not always the desires of our child
– allow the child to explore, to learn from his or her mistakes
– cooperation should be mutual, allow the child to lead us sometimes